5 Keys to Setting Healthy Boundaries

1. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't

If you are doing something that doesn't feel good to you in order to please someone else, you are probably struggling with boundary issues. For example, if you work sixty hours a week to please your boss but deep down inside you'd rather spend more time with your kids, you are allowing another person's priorities to supersede your own.

When making any decision, if you feel anger, resentment, intimidation or an intense feeling of dread, this is sign that you are going against something inside of you that says this is not okay with me, but I'm going ahead with it anyway. Learn to trust your inner guidance. If something doesn't feel right it's time to reassess the situation and make a different choice.

2. Keep your own counsel

No matter how close you are to another person, no one knows what is in your best interests better than you. If you are in the habit of allowing other people to make decisions for you, you are giving away your power and relinquishing your freedom to choose.

Although it might seem easier in the short run to abdicate your right to make decisions on your own behalf, especially if you live with someone who is controlling or highly opinionated, you are hurting yourself in the long run. Don't allow other people to decide what is best for you in any area of your life. Keep your own counsel and take responsibility for your life choices.

3. Get into the habit of saying "no" often

One of the biggest reasons we women are remiss in setting clear, firm boundaries is our inability to say no. Because we have been taught to be nice to others and not intentionally rock the boat, we often say yes when we really want to say no. Saying yes to a request when everything inside of you is screaming the word "no" wreaks havoc on your self-esteem and silently crushes your soul. Being amenable to every request that comes your way might benefit the people around you; however, if a battle is raging within your mind because you aren't speaking your truth, you are doing yourself a great disservice.

4. Know what you stand for

I once heard a country music song by Aaron Tippin that says, "You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything." You must be clear on what is acceptable and unacceptable to you in order to have healthy boundaries. When I was in my twenties, I would occasionally date someone who drank excessively. This is a boundary issue for me. As soon as it became apparent, I politely ended the relationship.

If you don't what is important to you it is impossible to set clear boundaries. Subsequently, you are likely to be taken advantage of on more than one occasion. Power hungry people thrive on controlling other people's behavior. Without clear boundaries you are easy prey.

5. Be consistent with your actions

Once you are clear on what your boundaries are, being consistent with your actions is the next order of business. It doesn't matter if you've taken the time to get clear on what is important to you if your resolve is weak.

If you tell your ten-year-old daughter that she is not allowed to watch PG-13 movies, you have set a clear boundary. Later, if you make an exception to that rule for any reason, you are confusing your child and being inconsistent with your actions. Boundaries are boundaries. Set them and keep them. The clearer you are the clearer your results will be.

Kathleen Bren is dedicated to helping women transform their lives from the inside out. If you are ready to Change Your Story and Heal Your Life, Kathleen provides the tools, guidance and inspiration necessary to help you live the life your soul intended.

Source: EzineArticles.com